It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
