I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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