I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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