I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
