Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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