sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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