Dude my mom stole all your condoms
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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