Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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