What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
