Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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