those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
