Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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