Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
