I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
