There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
