I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
