birth control should be required to get into college
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
