Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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