Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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