Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
