you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I came so hard my ears popped.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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