it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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