Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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