Too much gin, very little bucket
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
