if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
