The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
