A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
