Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
