You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize