some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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