this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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