youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
