Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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