I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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