ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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