I can text with my tongue
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
