Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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