Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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