Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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