From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
