brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
