Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize