I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Randomize
