The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
