Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize