i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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