if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
