dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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