Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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