Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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