i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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