i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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