i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
