we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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