how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
