There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
