I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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