I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
