I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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