all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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