Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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