the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
it was like eating out sand paper
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
