I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
