so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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