i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
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