What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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