I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
