Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
