omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
