I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize