Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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