Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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