Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
