he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
