My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
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