I want to walk on stilts...naked
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
