You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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