oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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