she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
