last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
