I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
