Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
