Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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