Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
