Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
