RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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