You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
