if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
