He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
