Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
