My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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