That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
