if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
