Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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