what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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