with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
