This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
