He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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