I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
